Take The Reins

So sorry to post so late but I've been up thinking about some things that have been on my mind. For starters, I haven't been posting on here and my Facebook page as much as I want to. I want to help as many people as I can but the thing that has to come first is me. My mental health has been struggling a little bit these past few months. I had a job with kids I absolutely loved as if they were my own and I was belittled by the parents. I always felt like I had to watch my every move when I was around them and if I made one mistake it would not ever be accepted. Thinking about me as a person, I do not stand for being treated as if I were stupid, told I need to be perfect, or worse; that I cannot be myself. Therefore, in closing that statement, I do not have a job as a nanny anymore. To be honest, I'm so excited to finally take a breath. ongoing for 9 hours throughout the day is exhausting. I'm only 19 years only and they would expect so much from me that I actually had major anxiety about it at night that it disrupted my sleep. Everything I did was never good enough no matter how hard I tried, it felt as if I were in high school again and my teachers telling me I would never get anywhere in life. Well guess what?! I sure did get somewhere in my life, I'm focusing on me and how to better myself and those who are around me. So I do not need the hassle of having to please unpleasable people anymore, I have plenty on my mind already with 3 online college courses, horseback riding, and working out. I started running two laps around my neighborhood every night which is an average of 2 miles, I end with a round of jumps with my jump rope and make sure I stretch afterwards. It honestly has made me feel like an absolute rockstar, I pretend like I'm a ninja in the night since nobody can see me lol! It's honestly awesome for someone who has anxiety, nobody can see you, you're in the dark! My mom always tells me that it's bad for my lungs but to tell you the truth, it's so much easier and calming to take in the cold crisp air. I don't like feeling burning hot as well, it feels like I'm free. Knowing that I lost my job due to one mistake and taking complete blame for the mistake I've felt pretty crappy these past few days. I probably wouldn't have made it if it weren't for running. I used to not run because of my previous injuries from my car accident where a mother was driving her kids to school and t-boned my sister and I when she was supposed to yield to us. Never in my life did I picture having to deal with legal documents and lawyers etc. at this age but think again! I've never felt so terrible in my life, that happened two years ago and I still have horrendous neck and back pain that it takes over my days and creates barriers to the tasks I want to do but don't have the strength to carry on due to the pain. Running was one of those activities I had to drop. The running was terrible because of my body jumping up and down by putting pressure on the body basically jarring the neck and slamming the spine. The doctor said to take a break from activities that worsen the pain I already have. So I took a break for awhile, I've received physical therapy which made it worse, I've seen an orthopedic for body manipulation and trying to retrain the muscles to regular position. Now I am still in recovery and receiving massage therapy. The whole idea is to release the tension so that the muscles have a chance to move on their own and not feel trapped in the position my body turned when I got in the accident. It's true there really is muscle memory. Therefore, since the pain is starting to reside, just soreness, I've taken on running again and it's absorbing the anxiety I feel at the end of the day. My heart races an awful lot in my day even if I just sit and relax all day. It's hard to get things done to a beating heart in my head that keeps ringing in my ears. So running makes me feel good and also makes my heart race to the point where it is helping me and increasing my endurance. Anywho I'm excited because 2017 is already starting off with a bang. Word of advice, if someone or your boss is treating you like you know nothing and just because you may be lower than them, they have no right to talk to you like you mean nothing. Even if they are so high up above you, they were once in your shoes. Stand up for yourself and tell them how you feel, don't settle for less, you get what you deserve and that's that! You all are extraordinary in each and every aspect of life and don't forget that beautiful souls. Have a wonderful night and I will remember to blog more often! You'll hear from me again the coming week. Get some good rest and wake up tomorrow with a good and positive self intention for the day, start it off right with a good aura! Love you all.